So what am I now?

Well, it’s been a long two-plus years since I last blogged about my mental health.

And a lot has happened.  I don’t quite know what to write.

I’ve been manic. I’ve been depressed.

I’ve been medicated and completely med free.

I’ve been to inpatient.  I’ve finished outpatient.

I’ve had great days.  I’ve had dark days.

Today wasn’t great.  It was a down day.  I pretty much slept until 4pm.  It’s so easy to give into those thoughts. I had great plans for the day.  Now it’s 8pm and I don’t feel great.

My mood has two layers.  One is the big picture, where my mood cycles through large-scale depression and hypomania.  I am also sensitive to good and bad days.  I can influence these big swings through my daily actions.  Too many sleep-all-day days in a row and I’ll slide into depression.  Too many sleepless nights in a row and I’ll go hypomanic.

No pressure, right?   Just make the wrong decisions and my moods go haywire!  It’s not like I’m 20-something and make bad decisions all the time!

We’ll see what decisions tomorrow brings.


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